FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2015 at 12:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

by WalkTheOtherWay / 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

by Anonomous / 01/26/2015 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 8:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 5:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

by janegeorge / 01/11/2015 at 7:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

by kb / 01/10/2015 at 9:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first ever orgasm. Then he bitched me out for insulting his intelligence, saying it was "blatantly fake" and that "women don't orgasm like that". FML

by good2know / 01/09/2015 at 6:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

by Discouraged / 01/06/2015 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2015 at 11:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

by AsianSensation / 12/14/2014 at 10:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2014 at 2:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous