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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

#21223464
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23307) - you deserved it (66990)

On 07/29/2014 at 3:58am - misc - by jayswizzle89 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58006) - you deserved it (13693)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

#21212818
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (5244)

On 07/18/2014 at 11:49am - work - by tuck87 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44083) - you deserved it (6696)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

#21203602
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41315) - you deserved it (19430)

On 07/09/2014 at 1:38am - kids - by whoops - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

#21201129
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42005) - you deserved it (3833)

On 07/06/2014 at 11:39pm - work - by notoneatall - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML

#21195314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39951) - you deserved it (3611)

On 07/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56264) - you deserved it (5116)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46934) - you deserved it (6697)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, our dishwasher door broke. My mom made me sit there for an hour straight, holding the door shut so it would work. FML

Today, I looked at my bank balance. It read $1.23. That's higher than it usually is. FML

#21185584
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44942) - you deserved it (8510)

On 06/23/2014 at 5:26pm - money - by amused (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

#21173465
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45172) - you deserved it (5643)

On 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm - health - by green and not with envy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a very serious case of the shits while in the middle of trying to close a sale, and had to run to the bathroom. My coworker picked up the sale, stealing all the commission in the process. FML



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