FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML

by anon / 03/22/2015 at 10:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade when a woman came up and asked me if playing it was my job. I laughed but then realized that it is actually the closest thing I have to a job. FML

by DDRFreak / 03/19/2015 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

by anon / 03/16/2015 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

by Blonde / 03/10/2015 at 11:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, I sent a picture to my best friend of the shoes I want to wear to prom. She replied, "Wow those are so unique". I guess she forgot that last week she told me she only uses the word unique when she hates something. FML

by uglyshoegirl / 03/08/2015 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into an accident. As I was talking to a police officer about what happened, the tow truck driver managed to take my car and drive away, leaving me with no phone or wallet. I just spent an hour walking home in a hail storm. FML

by neverforgetyourphone / 03/04/2015 at 8:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

by Highnapple / 03/04/2015 at 2:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

by Wutdafuqq / 02/23/2015 at 3:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2015 at 11:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

by IngenuityAbsent / 02/22/2015 at 8:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2015 at 3:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work