FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

by Great / 05/29/2015 at 8:13am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my friends made a little game out of my OCD. They like to purposely poke one of my arms so I immediately poke the other one. They think it's hilarious and now do it constantly. FML

by danceinconverse / 05/22/2015 at 4:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

by BananaCoconutty / 05/16/2015 at 12:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

by pasha / 05/15/2015 at 8:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

by brittrus / 05/08/2015 at 9:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

by gross / 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

by sexandanxiety / 04/29/2015 at 8:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, less than a month from our wedding, my fiancé told me that he doesn't trust me and will be cancelling our wedding and new apartment lease if I don't give him all the names, numbers and addresses of my exes. All because I received a text from a wrong number that said, "Hey baby." FML

by Groomzilla? / 04/28/2015 at 1:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

by shaifox96 / 04/16/2015 at 11:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 6:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 9:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work