FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

by Sleepless Dreams / 11/28/2016 at 11:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

by _kristaaxo / 11/21/2016 at 4:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

by work hard / 11/07/2016 at 7:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

by All The Best People Are Crazy~ / 11/03/2016 at 11:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

by bagadigi / 10/27/2016 at 10:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my customer complained to me that there were no scallops in her dish when it was "clearly stated on the menu." Finally, after she ran out of breath, I had to show her that the menu said scallions. She didn't understand, screamed at me and then walked out on her bill. FML

by purpletulip / 10/20/2016 at 9:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I did a piano audition for a musical. Afterwards, the judge asked if I have experience with percussion, and then told me she was considering me for a percussion part. I guess my piano audition really was THAT bad. FML

by pianoblues / 10/17/2016 at 4:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that you should always check the litter box before vacuuming stray litter outside of it after my cat burst out from the box mid-piss and skittered around the house still pissing after I put the vacuum hose behind the box. FML

by mallyboo / 10/01/2016 at 10:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML

by sweet pea / 09/22/2016 at 5:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

by Yellowsmellow / 09/22/2016 at 1:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

by Dezzmond68 / 09/15/2016 at 4:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my ex came back into my life, professing his love and begging for another chance. This begging act ended rather suddenly once he remembered I have a daughter. FML

by ProudMamma / 09/13/2016 at 9:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

by kdriver / 09/12/2016 at 10:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals