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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

#21523204
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17038) - you deserved it (1169)

On 02/05/2016 at 9:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

#21522018
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26438) - you deserved it (1732)

On 02/02/2016 at 5:17am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

#21520383
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20957) - you deserved it (1207)

On 01/28/2016 at 11:05am - misc - by crinitis - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

#21518447
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18136) - you deserved it (7393)

On 01/23/2016 at 2:49am - intimacy - by soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

#21517614
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20508) - you deserved it (3226)

On 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by Garfield - Canada (Ontario)

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

#21517552
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20334) - you deserved it (1171)

On 01/20/2016 at 9:37pm - work - by TheNewSalesRep - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

#21516693
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19400) - you deserved it (1340)

On 01/18/2016 at 6:42pm - misc - by meh beard (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

#21515559
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20508) - you deserved it (1785)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:41am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

#21512844
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18826) - you deserved it (8754)

On 01/08/2016 at 12:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

#21512660
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19476) - you deserved it (5021)

On 01/07/2016 at 9:08pm - misc - by AccidentalFlasher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after waiting in front of a washroom stall for 20 minutes to take a dump, I finally realized that the "person" in the stall was just a pair of shoes. FML

#21512486
60 comments

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

#21509335
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23238) - you deserved it (4803)

On 12/30/2015 at 10:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

#21508063
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23942) - you deserved it (1643)

On 12/26/2015 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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