FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me. That would have been fine, if we hadn't just moved in with his mother a week ago to save money. FML

by loko0909 / 10/20/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while on a haunted trail, I accidentally punched a high-schooler in the throat. FML

by MeaganElizabethM / 10/11/2015 at 8:31am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends were right about me being whipped. My girlfriend now has me setting an alarm for 3 hrs after she's fallen asleep, all so I can uncover her feet so she doesn't get too warm. FML

by biggs sprhro / 10/10/2015 at 12:25am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

by aishyaslife89 / 10/06/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

by ph2222 / 10/05/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

by mother teresa was a cunt / 09/17/2015 at 10:54am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

by EverettA / 09/11/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML

by westie732 / 09/09/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

by TheDenmarkian / 08/04/2015 at 5:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

by Application / 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Work