FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

by shmoooopie / 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

by Anon / 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

by norpedo / 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

by no more flips / 05/17/2015 at 10:05am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

Today, 2 years into our relationship, my boyfriend's parents still have no idea about me. FML

by batah / 05/11/2015 at 10:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML

by alaina2001 / 05/07/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

by Confusedblonde / 04/29/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 9:39am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

by Mitchellbassists / 04/17/2015 at 11:27am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

by spitty / 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

by Jakesssss / 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

by NotALuckyGuy / 04/07/2015 at 12:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Love