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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

#21349737
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36596) - you deserved it (5938)

On 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by No thank you (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

#21348539
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48840) - you deserved it (3422)

On 02/02/2015 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by StantheMan93 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

#21340194
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30913) - you deserved it (6867)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

#21333300
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36718) - you deserved it (4193)

On 01/08/2015 at 1:44pm - love - by licensed_ginger (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

#21328958
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28305) - you deserved it (6597)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:18pm - animals - by TaddM21 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a friend invited me to christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there she told me her and her husband forgot they had another dinner to go to and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

#21324456
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37202) - you deserved it (2743)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

#21323779
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38796) - you deserved it (15471)

On 12/25/2014 at 4:13am - intimacy - by VCDUDE11FTW - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML

#21323615
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32301) - you deserved it (3071)

On 12/24/2014 at 10:48pm - money - by evil Santa - United States (Ohio)

Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML

#21322693
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32071) - you deserved it (2903)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Unknown - United States (Ohio)

Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML

#21315542
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (3686)

On 12/11/2014 at 11:10am - work - by anyoldnamewilldo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group for the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

#21309843
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35931) - you deserved it (2499)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:30am - kids - by notmycircus (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

#21308358
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31578) - you deserved it (3012)

On 11/29/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by justawallflower - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

#21304482
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25218) - you deserved it (8502)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:22pm - misc - by college student - United States (Ohio)



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