FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2010 at 7:17am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

by Shoe / 02/27/2010 at 1:17am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

by sad / 02/26/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

by canadiansun / 02/26/2010 at 1:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

by mathhhh / 02/26/2010 at 12:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

by Court / 02/21/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I hung out with the guy I've liked for the first time in 3 years. And when he left, I gave him a hug, he pushed me, I tripped, and hit my head into the wall. Then to save his embarassment, pushed me over onto the couch and pretended to rape me. FML

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

by bcca / 02/13/2010 at 9:22am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

by christian9294 / 02/08/2010 at 3:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I forgot it was her birthday. We had only been dating for 2 weeks. I didn't even know when it was. FML

by jake / 02/07/2010 at 1:56pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

by nekoneko / 02/07/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

by doggie_doo_face / 02/05/2010 at 7:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals