FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

by diddlebuag / 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

by Greig / 05/22/2011 at 8:18am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, my school is having a mandatory class on etiquette. We've just now progressed onto forks after a long, tedious discussion on spoons. FML

by forkmylife / 05/19/2011 at 6:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my Facebook, the stripper my ex husband cheated on me with showed up in the "People You May Know" box. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2011 at 9:48am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

by f*cks_sake / 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

by wtfseriously / 05/09/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

by Tyler / 05/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my boyfriend was introducing me to some business partners. As he was going along telling me their names, when he introduced me, he called me by my best friend's name. FML

by ohmylantis / 05/04/2011 at 10:50am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was running a marathon. I stopped to massage my stiff legs, when an elderly spectator taunted, "Oohhh yeah, that's it! Massage those legs good, boy!" She looked about 70. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 1:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

by Clueless / 04/21/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

by scottskidee / 04/12/2011 at 1:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

by Frazzled / 04/10/2011 at 6:59am / United States (Ohio) / Health