FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

by salt. / 02/28/2012 at 5:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

by Skullie / 02/19/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

by AnastasiyaNicholas / 02/18/2012 at 9:20am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2012 at 3:01am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML

by too tight / 02/15/2012 at 6:26am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

by lulu / 02/11/2012 at 5:19am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings, so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake of her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML

by machismo / 01/13/2012 at 1:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

by jada / 01/04/2012 at 6:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2011 at 3:38am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I had an allergic reaction to my deodorant. My armpits wouldn't stop itching, and by the time my shift was over, they were raw and bloody. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2011 at 3:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

by PunkChik27 / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Love