FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I put more effort into getting and keeping my Sims onto a good sleep schedule in order to properly take care of their needs than I did for myself. FML

by 221bcompanion / 01/18/2016 at 12:18am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2016 at 9:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2016 at 12:38am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

by notanightowlanymore / 01/05/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-boyfriend admitted the reason he broke up with me was because he cheated and felt awful about it. The girl is now pregnant, but he swears it isn't his. Guess we'll find out in a few months if my daughter has a sibling. FML

by loko0909 / 01/03/2016 at 11:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

by BahHumbug / 12/27/2015 at 12:18am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

by Hormones apparently / 12/07/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 10:52am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

by owch / 11/23/2015 at 4:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, at a bar, I overheard two attractive men speaking in French. I went over and tried to introduce myself with what little French I know. They looked at me like I was crazy and then said in English, "What are you doing?" Turns out they weren't speaking French. FML

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML

by EnderHorse / 11/05/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

by alex327 / 10/28/2015 at 11:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous