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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

#21417382
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1105) - you deserved it (106)

On 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm - intimacy - by shmoooopie (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24094) - you deserved it (9567)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

#21411522
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24151) - you deserved it (5745)

On 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by norpedo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23627) - you deserved it (6158)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

Today, 2 years into our relationship, my boyfriend's parents still have no idea about me. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML

#21406350
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29678) - you deserved it (2245)

On 05/07/2015 at 6:22pm - love - by alaina2001 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

#21402099
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31716) - you deserved it (5422)

On 04/29/2015 at 11:31pm - love - by Confusedblonde - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

#21397872
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29937) - you deserved it (5227)

On 04/22/2015 at 9:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

#21395171
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25957) - you deserved it (4917)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:27am - health - by Mitchellbassists (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

#21393655
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28412) - you deserved it (1937)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm - misc - by spitty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

#21390911
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26212) - you deserved it (9467)

On 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm - misc - by Jakesssss - United States (Ohio)

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

#21389255
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16810) - you deserved it (42261)

On 04/07/2015 at 12:19pm - love - by NotALuckyGuy - United States (Ohio)



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