FMLs submitted from North Dakota

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

by Birthday girl / 01/06/2013 at 12:59am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

by AHole / 11/21/2012 at 9:03am / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

by raz / 10/01/2012 at 8:11pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

by yeyt209 / 06/10/2012 at 3:46am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

by LadyDean / 11/29/2011 at 3:00am / United States (North Dakota) / Love

Today, I pressed snooze on my alarm clock for one of the first times ever. I ended up being late to my 8am class, and when I showed up, I couldn't start the projector. I called Tech Support. They came... and pushed the large button labeled "power." The whole class laughed. FML

by psychteacher / 11/04/2011 at 9:32am / United States (North Dakota) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

by planking champion / 10/17/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

by lonely / 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

by greenhide8 / 05/28/2011 at 1:27am / United States (North Dakota) / Money

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (North Dakota) / Love

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

by jobless / 02/13/2011 at 12:31am / United States (North Dakota) / Work

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous