FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2013 at 11:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

by JudasThePriest / 12/01/2013 at 2:42am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 9:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I tripped and fell, damaging my sternum and making it incredibly painful to breathe in or out too much. About ten minutes later, I got the hiccups. FML

by ChestExploding / 11/20/2013 at 6:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

by kids next door / 11/18/2013 at 5:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

by footstuck / 11/13/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

by f / 11/09/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

by Rinelric1998 / 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

by NOKHAN / 10/25/2013 at 1:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

by nerdywaitress / 10/18/2013 at 1:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I found tiny little maggots in the bristles of my toothbrush. I have no idea how long they've been there. FML

by wombats / 09/28/2013 at 10:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids