FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

by CatLady4Lyf / 02/16/2015 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

by Not Worth a Lunch / 02/02/2015 at 9:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

by dogproblems / 01/27/2015 at 10:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

by DrLight / 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

by whoops.. / 01/15/2015 at 10:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

by ivegotapackage / 01/05/2015 at 6:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

by TimJack18 / 01/04/2015 at 6:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 1:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2014 at 2:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

by WickedLittleDoll / 12/01/2014 at 11:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

by jlong9071 / 11/08/2014 at 10:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

by chlorobitch551 / 11/05/2014 at 11:54am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

by AnonymousAmber / 10/31/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy