FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

by LuxTheSarcastic / 11/06/2015 at 6:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

by not anymore / 10/30/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I respectfully asked my landlady if he could stay with me until he gets back on his feet. He was robbed at gunpoint in his house last night. Landlady then yelled because we aren't married, and then showed up at my door at 10pm, "just making sure John isn't here". FML

by Leyla / 10/26/2015 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

by ok cool / 10/12/2015 at 9:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I resorted to buying some expensive flowers and sending them to my boss anonymously with a mysterious love letter, just to get her to lighten the hell up and stop constantly harassing and berating me over every little thing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2015 at 2:40am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML

by scoobysnarks / 09/24/2015 at 7:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the nicest present I received for my 18th birthday was a free razor in the mail. It was then stolen by my mom. FML

by ezrocks4u / 09/20/2015 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was convinced to face my fears of rollercoasters by a friend. I'm writing this at the highest point of the ride after being stuck over thirty minutes. FML

by VHBJ / 09/14/2015 at 1:54pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML

by T___T / 09/11/2015 at 9:54pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

by Dehydrated / 09/01/2015 at 7:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2015 at 10:03am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

by terrified / 08/08/2015 at 11:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

by Wow / 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals