FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

by Alex / 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

by barbieissocute / 01/31/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

by anonymous / 01/25/2016 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

by Angel / 01/13/2016 at 8:56am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I saw an elderly woman drop $20 while shopping. Trying to be a good samaritan, I picked it up and tried to hand it back to her. She accused me of stealing it and beat me with her purse. The manager had to fend her off me. FML

by LittleGina / 01/07/2016 at 12:42pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out what it means to be the only single person in my group of friends. They had a New Year's party and didn't invite me because they didn't want me to "feel alone". FML

by feelin a lil left out / 01/01/2016 at 3:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

by sickofit / 12/31/2015 at 3:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

by mikmak / 12/20/2015 at 8:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

by pregnantapparently / 12/10/2015 at 1:45pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML

by wtfiswronghere / 12/08/2015 at 1:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, my vindictive, cheating ex made me clean and inspect her new wedding ring. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 4:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

by Anon / 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML

by not twilight / 12/04/2015 at 7:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals