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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

#993995
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16434) - you deserved it (47525)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

#966989
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48546) - you deserved it (17271)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

#945659
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11935) - you deserved it (73148)

On 04/13/2009 at 6:46am - intimacy - by jackass (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

#942565
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58970) - you deserved it (9640)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

#927038
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61666) - you deserved it (8697)

On 04/12/2009 at 1:55pm - animals - by anbrown6 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153288) - you deserved it (7480)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

#867922
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41153) - you deserved it (19337)

On 04/08/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by MarcusJones713 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

#867771
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65663) - you deserved it (4593)

On 04/08/2009 at 6:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

#866665
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16951) - you deserved it (66953)

On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

#819643
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112730) - you deserved it (6694)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

#661204
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50717) - you deserved it (32367)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by enriquegay (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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