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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

#21500495
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19993) - you deserved it (3860)

On 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm - misc - by Anon - United States (North Carolina)

Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML

#21500142
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21689) - you deserved it (1512)

On 12/04/2015 at 7:47pm - animals - by not twilight - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I spoke to a highly recommended therapist for my special-needs child. After 45 minutes of describing our challenges, heartbreaks and other very personal information, she told me that her schedule was permanently full. But she invited me to go through the phone book to find someone else. FML

Today, I grazed my hand over the bottom of my desk's keyboard tray, and found something sticky. I gagged when I realized it was jizz, and I immediately washed my hands and wiped everything. I then checked my browser history, which was full of porn. Thanks, roomie. FML

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

#21494198
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22186) - you deserved it (1535)

On 11/18/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Creepedout - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

#21493950
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28863) - you deserved it (1768)

On 11/18/2015 at 8:47am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

#21489318
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21469) - you deserved it (2211)

On 11/06/2015 at 6:05pm - misc - by LuxTheSarcastic (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

#21486266
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24767) - you deserved it (4391)

On 10/30/2015 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by not anymore (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and I respectfully asked my landlady if he could stay with me until he gets back on his feet. He was robbed at gunpoint in his house last night. Landlady then yelled because we aren't married, and then showed up at my door at 10pm, "just making sure John isn't here". FML

#21484786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22733) - you deserved it (1756)

On 10/26/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by Leyla (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

#21479282
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22682) - you deserved it (2735)

On 10/12/2015 at 9:53pm - misc - by ok cool - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I resorted to buying some expensive flowers and sending them to my boss anonymously with a mysterious love letter, just to get her to lighten the hell up and stop constantly harassing and berating me over every little thing. FML

#21472823
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22748) - you deserved it (2340)

On 09/26/2015 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML

Today, the nicest present I received for my 18th birthday was a free razor in the mail. It was then stolen by my mom. FML



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