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FMLs submitted from Nordrhein-Westfalen

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

#20543433
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48324) - you deserved it (9651)

On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, a colleague gave me an expensive box of chocolates for my birthday. I was surprised she spent so much on me, but didn't think much of it. Only when I got back home and excitedly opened the box did I realise the chocolates had expired months ago. FML

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

#20434714
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (3571)

On 12/31/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by WasZumTeufel? (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

#20125284
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22875) - you deserved it (4988)

On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

#20123737
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8707) - you deserved it (26454)

On 10/19/2012 at 10:19am - health - by Nutellalover (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

#20107287
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31544) - you deserved it (2079)

On 10/08/2012 at 11:08am - misc - by LovedByFamily (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

#20095198
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10128) - you deserved it (26964)

On 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

#19781755
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33650) - you deserved it (4935)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by Rosie (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

#19617279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23551) - you deserved it (3224)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm - kids - by just me (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

#18238622
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35630) - you deserved it (3817)

On 11/13/2011 at 3:50pm - love - by notfatanymore (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

#13139163
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16025) - you deserved it (22045)

On 09/21/2010 at 3:10am - kids - by themildthings (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, after almost a week of being bed-ridden with a bad flu, my mom told me it was my job to clean the house. When I told her I still had a fever and didn't feel well, she looked at me and said in an understanding voice "It's okay honey, you can do it slowly." FML

#12852856
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31215) - you deserved it (4843)

On 09/01/2010 at 10:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

#12768911
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (9445)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:57am - love - by weddinggirl (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)



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