FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

by briiiiiiii123 / 01/12/2015 at 2:56am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

by so much for romance / 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

by bailey_biz / 01/08/2015 at 7:52am / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

by mrwilly / 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

by Proposal Fail / 01/01/2015 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

by BlondePsycho / 12/29/2014 at 11:14pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 9:58am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

by cantunhear / 12/19/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

by anon / 12/11/2014 at 8:43pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

by SickMaMa / 12/09/2014 at 5:39pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2014 at 11:48pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

by ugh / 11/24/2014 at 7:40am / United States (New York) / Money