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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

#21100696
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33770) - you deserved it (4333)

On 03/31/2014 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30451) - you deserved it (16254)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML

#21090611
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38908) - you deserved it (6505)

On 03/19/2014 at 2:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

#21088206
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43836) - you deserved it (3897)

On 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

#21085559
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39337) - you deserved it (5930)

On 03/13/2014 at 7:59am - misc - by Crochocinco85 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38077) - you deserved it (5537)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

#21080680
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56245) - you deserved it (3502)

On 03/07/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by GLHan (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

#21076752
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43141) - you deserved it (7771)

On 03/03/2014 at 10:55am - kids - by adopted (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

#21069326
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51013) - you deserved it (6716)

On 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49889) - you deserved it (8382)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39114) - you deserved it (7514)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38267) - you deserved it (7171)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

#21050272
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29743) - you deserved it (14850)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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