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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

#855959
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (98983)

On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

#850361
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59115) - you deserved it (13279)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:50am - work - by GT716 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

#843077
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84956) - you deserved it (3526)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by omgn00blolz89 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

#828756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52472) - you deserved it (9626)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by Lastsecondstand - United States (New York)

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

#809473
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26952) - you deserved it (64222)

On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

#807564
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38172) - you deserved it (86456)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm - kids - by heytherexo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21036) - you deserved it (152447)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML

#797554
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59724) - you deserved it (13404)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

#780789
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56370) - you deserved it (5342)

On 04/03/2009 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

#768625
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19352) - you deserved it (56731)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

#760486
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27708) - you deserved it (49433)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

#754264
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59696) - you deserved it (11755)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by Nutless (man) - United States (New York)



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