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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

#2364469
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56444) - you deserved it (3294)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

#2336807
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41539) - you deserved it (5607)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:44am - misc - by GodDamnFan (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
854 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40507) - you deserved it (277849)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

#2308066
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76261) - you deserved it (19682)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

#2255530
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40004) - you deserved it (12252)

On 05/24/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kiki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML

#2241699
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79018) - you deserved it (4533)

On 05/24/2009 at 2:05pm - animals - by holly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was leaving work when some creeper start following me. When he asked me for my name, I immediately gave him a fake one. He just laughed and said “I hope to see you soon.” He used my real name. First AND last. I was still wearing my name tag. FML

Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML

#2201363
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45976) - you deserved it (6263)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:04am - kids - by julieb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

#2165517
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48314) - you deserved it (12425)

On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18704) - you deserved it (61636)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

#2122739
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69192) - you deserved it (6294)

On 05/20/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by disaster... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

#2076709
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17386) - you deserved it (92517)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

#2057571
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45981) - you deserved it (3433)

On 05/18/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by trgtyo (woman) - United States (New York)



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