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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

#350139
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66024) - you deserved it (22437)

On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

#334226
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53805) - you deserved it (17762)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by marsbar (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

#334008
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86521) - you deserved it (4727)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by chefdujour (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

#332673
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36527) - you deserved it (14399)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:56pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

#330235
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45780) - you deserved it (2870)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:46pm - kids - by maximumpower (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14861) - you deserved it (175244)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

#311198
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (61411)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:45pm - misc - by Jonnygiant (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

#305736
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64701) - you deserved it (26108)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

#290845
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84386) - you deserved it (3489)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - money - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML

#273753
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65901) - you deserved it (8304)

On 03/11/2009 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10572) - you deserved it (123506)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

#269325
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50594) - you deserved it (4577)

On 03/11/2009 at 9:38am - misc - by powsser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

#259383
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30455) - you deserved it (52501)

On 03/10/2009 at 5:56am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)



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