FMLs submitted from New York

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

by newscomes / 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

by Undercover / 10/12/2009 at 4:38am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

by PackingSpaceHeat / 10/11/2009 at 9:21am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

by zappy / 10/11/2009 at 12:40am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

by sofked / 10/09/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

by TatooFAIL / 10/06/2009 at 10:38am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

by Crappit / 10/06/2009 at 9:53am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

by laurwitharawr / 10/06/2009 at 8:08am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

by musicalkitcat / 10/05/2009 at 11:45am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

by ew / 10/04/2009 at 11:41am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2009 at 7:57am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy