FMLs submitted from New York

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

by itisobviouseinstein / 09/29/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2015 at 3:10am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

by itwaswarm / 09/25/2015 at 5:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

by wifeofafainter / 09/24/2015 at 2:31am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

by ImAnEngineer / 09/23/2015 at 1:09pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

by no I've never asked for anal / 09/20/2015 at 9:44am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

by allergies / 09/18/2015 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

by kunjac0945 / 09/14/2015 at 1:21am / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2015 at 6:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn't deliver. FML

by lentkaysi / 09/10/2015 at 6:55pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

by NotASportsGuy / 09/06/2015 at 8:46am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

by tortureromoretorture / 08/26/2015 at 8:28pm / United States (New York) / Kids