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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31264) - you deserved it (13771)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43467) - you deserved it (7050)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37492) - you deserved it (2741)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about? Me accidentally scratching a non-stick pan with my utility knife. FML

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46697) - you deserved it (3674)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51948) - you deserved it (4350)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML

#21216549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39480) - you deserved it (3261)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

#21216262
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37933) - you deserved it (23948)

On 07/21/2014 at 1:14pm - misc - by surfer - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

#21213268
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53279) - you deserved it (10143)

On 07/18/2014 at 7:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59400) - you deserved it (12555)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

#21197152
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34758) - you deserved it (24794)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:29am - money - by notacashier - United States (New York)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21300) - you deserved it (55129)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)



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