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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

#21467190
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25716) - you deserved it (8368)

On 09/11/2015 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn't deliver. FML

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

#21465159
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23067) - you deserved it (2601)

On 09/06/2015 at 8:46am - work - by NotASportsGuy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

#21464688
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (8493)

On 09/04/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

#21461075
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21762) - you deserved it (1548)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:28pm - kids - by tortureromoretorture - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

#21460883
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23863) - you deserved it (2233)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:31am - love - by Ananimus (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

#21460304
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22244) - you deserved it (2290)

On 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm - animals - by catlady - United States (New York)

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

#21460101
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31414) - you deserved it (2982)

On 08/24/2015 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

#21457890
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20768) - you deserved it (10995)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

#21455554
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (1536)

On 08/13/2015 at 10:54am - animals - by grace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

#21452247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26571) - you deserved it (2329)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24513) - you deserved it (4487)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

#21449249
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22579) - you deserved it (3005)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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