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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

#21305033
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30447) - you deserved it (3700)

On 11/24/2014 at 7:40am - money - by ugh - United States (New York)

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

#21300667
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32173) - you deserved it (3556)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

#21293677
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (14360)

On 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm - animals - by dwood08 - United States (New York)

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

#21292826
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30456) - you deserved it (2585)

On 11/05/2014 at 5:21pm - love - by thedudeman14 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

#21290447
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30946) - you deserved it (9260)

On 11/02/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

#21289001
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26499) - you deserved it (2646)

On 10/31/2014 at 10:27am - work - by hardwarekit (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33342) - you deserved it (5485)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32041) - you deserved it (3791)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35944) - you deserved it (3592)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

#21275140
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37809) - you deserved it (2475)

On 10/10/2014 at 6:34pm - work - by shatfjord (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32708) - you deserved it (2937)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)



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