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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I knocked a girl lightly in the head with a prop at a costume party. I apologized profusely to the drama queen as she walked away blinking and holding her head. My boyfriend then told me that she had recently had brain surgery and it was hard for her to even leave the house. FML

Today, after six weeks of dealing with various exterminators, my roommate and I were about to toast to what we were told was a wasp-free room. That's when we noticed several much smaller wasps flying around. Not only is our wasp problem not solved, but our room is a wasp breeding ground. FML

#21483142
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21452) - you deserved it (1345)

On 10/22/2015 at 8:18pm - animals - by OhWait - United States (New York)

Today, I opened up to my boyfriend about being sexually abused in the past. He said it explains why I'm "such a bitch" when it comes to personal contact. FML

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

#21477089
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23790) - you deserved it (2327)

On 10/07/2015 at 6:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, one of my coworkers tried to convince me to be a model for his "foot fetish parties". I politely declined, just as I had the day before, and the day before that. This will probably continue every day, since our schedules are nearly identical. FML

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

#21474402
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23115) - you deserved it (3455)

On 09/29/2015 at 11:31pm - misc - by itisobviouseinstein - United States (New York)

Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML

#21473175
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21629) - you deserved it (3771)

On 09/27/2015 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

#21472645
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (1635)

On 09/25/2015 at 5:04pm - misc - by itwaswarm - United States (New York)

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

#21472094
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (2898)

On 09/24/2015 at 2:31am - misc - by wifeofafainter - United States (New York)

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

#21471843
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24036) - you deserved it (1712)

On 09/23/2015 at 1:09pm - work - by ImAnEngineer (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

#21470529
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27663) - you deserved it (3407)

On 09/20/2015 at 9:44am - intimacy - by no I've never asked for anal (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

#21469850
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23511) - you deserved it (1676)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by allergies (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML



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