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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21578) - you deserved it (3927)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

#21449249
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20549) - you deserved it (2723)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24505) - you deserved it (2223)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

#21435904
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25243) - you deserved it (2235)

On 07/03/2015 at 3:02pm - misc - by Rusty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22797) - you deserved it (2124)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

#21432043
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28778) - you deserved it (1721)

On 06/25/2015 at 11:06pm - health - by postop (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML

#21428154
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29763) - you deserved it (2625)

On 06/18/2015 at 4:09pm - misc - by unsuccessful popping - United States (New York)

Today, I'm actually starting to miss my former heroin addict neighbor because of how mellow he was compared to my new neighbors. FML

#21427797
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26251) - you deserved it (2086)

On 06/17/2015 at 10:07pm - money - by Rusty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

#21425208
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22780) - you deserved it (7806)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:41pm - misc - by alyssaamarante - United States (New York)

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

#21425187
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25516) - you deserved it (1765)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:56pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

#21424919
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24309) - you deserved it (10253)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:42am - health - by fisted (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21422985
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24138) - you deserved it (2240)

On 06/08/2015 at 7:38pm - love - by firehurts - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

#21421959
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25147) - you deserved it (2234)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:17pm - kids - by diapersplease (woman) - United States (New York)



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