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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

#21524223
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15864) - you deserved it (991)

On 02/08/2016 at 9:52pm - intimacy - by Katie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

#21520859
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11570) - you deserved it (24507)

On 01/29/2016 at 4:19pm - love - by ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after weeks of debating with myself, I finally got the courage to ask out my best friend of 9 years. She turned me down, saying that dating me would be like adopting a puppy, and she doesn't want that kind of responsibility. FML

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

#21519950
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20745) - you deserved it (1922)

On 01/27/2016 at 2:59am - work - by NotYourToy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I absentmindedly smiled and told my grandfather to "have fun" before closing the door behind him. He was leaving to go to his chemotherapy session for lung cancer. FML

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

#21514581
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19763) - you deserved it (1064)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:54am - misc - by NeedsANewApartment (man) - United States (New York)

 Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

#21513970
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22387) - you deserved it (2187)

On 01/11/2016 at 1:03pm - misc - by JoseIsAdork (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

#21513961
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22830) - you deserved it (1658)

On 01/11/2016 at 12:21pm - love - by anon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

#21512916
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18297) - you deserved it (4278)

On 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

#21509753
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21212) - you deserved it (1532)

On 12/31/2015 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

#21509247
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20552) - you deserved it (3319)

On 12/30/2015 at 12:55am - intimacy - by wardsl195 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

#21508083
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21714) - you deserved it (2794)

On 12/26/2015 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

#21506054
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20118) - you deserved it (1499)

On 12/20/2015 at 11:24pm - work - by forever damaged - United States (New York)



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