FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

by Ahook1 / 08/23/2010 at 7:31pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

by car / 08/21/2010 at 1:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, my girlfriend "accidentally" set her relationship status to "single", and 20 of my friends "liked" it, including my mom. FML

by facebook / 06/24/2010 at 6:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

by notyouraverageteenager / 06/10/2010 at 3:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

by thetalkingvagina / 06/09/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

by reginaphalange / 05/27/2010 at 10:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

by sam / 05/01/2010 at 8:12pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML

by lance / 04/10/2010 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

by bobby / 03/13/2010 at 10:17pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML

by Brinty / 03/13/2010 at 12:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I thought I lost my wallet. Canceled my bank cards. Bought a new wallet. Got a $141 parking fine at the motor registry while getting my replacement license which also cost me $22. Went to go to the gym and when I went to put my bike jacket on, felt something inside the sleeve. My wallet. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 2:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I spent the night with my boyfriend as he promised me that his parents and younger brother, who I have yet to meet, were out of town until Tuesday. We were awoken by his mother screaming, telling me that she doesn't want girls in the house corrupting her baby boy. He's 20. FML

by Living_Loving / 03/06/2010 at 8:21pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the guy I liked for years asked me out. I instantly said yes. As I was walking away, I forgot I was at the top of the stairs and fell down 20 steps. He stood at the top and laughed. FML

by harro101 / 03/05/2010 at 12:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love