FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 5:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2011 at 2:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

by oxbonxo / 02/07/2011 at 3:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up at 3am to go to work. This will be my new routine from now on. FML

by yawning / 02/01/2011 at 3:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML

by LonelyBoy / 02/01/2011 at 8:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

by dadum / 01/27/2011 at 2:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my grandpa came over to help paint our house, as we are renovating it. The only paint clothes he decided to wear were his underpants. The neighbours and builders found this quite amusing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2011 at 4:14am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

by meeeoow / 01/22/2011 at 5:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

by paperbox / 01/16/2011 at 12:07am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML

by dinosaur / 01/10/2011 at 5:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 6:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

by whitey / 01/09/2011 at 6:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health