FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2012 at 10:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the fake me got more birthday greetings than the real me. FML

by TheL1nds / 05/26/2012 at 5:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

by Karate Kid / 05/25/2012 at 2:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 7:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

by fml / 05/22/2012 at 7:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

by BowlofCherries / 05/21/2012 at 10:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

by jaderie / 04/21/2012 at 5:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

by Girl-with-the-glasses / 04/11/2012 at 3:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

by Jordan / 04/08/2012 at 6:37am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

by bman / 04/07/2012 at 2:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

by uh-oh / 03/25/2012 at 1:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML

by sheilob / 03/24/2012 at 7:06pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard a girl and a guy sitting behind me on the bus who were talking about Skyrim, one of my favourite games. After a while, I turned around and, as a fellow gamer, thanked them for restoring my faith in humanity. They went very quiet. I'm now that weird guy on the bus. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 2:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation