FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I found out that I am "un-promotable" to the job that I have been promised for the last two years because, I "don't suffer idiots well." Idiots. FML

by freeachickadee / 10/09/2014 at 11:32pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

by Potforapeso / 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2014 at 11:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

by Woops / 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

by nayahbear24 / 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Holidays

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

by Kev / 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

by blow away / 07/28/2014 at 12:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

by ThunderThighs / 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

by lolateverything / 07/17/2014 at 12:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

by Sun_Kissed18 / 07/09/2014 at 3:26am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

by Jack00412 / 07/08/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals