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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58347) - you deserved it (24260)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML

#20857902
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66759) - you deserved it (4019)

On 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm - love - by still together (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

#20852966
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47906) - you deserved it (4156)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML

#20827400
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42461) - you deserved it (4995)

On 08/08/2013 at 2:52pm - misc - by ROBERT (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

#20803390
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61079) - you deserved it (7292)

On 07/25/2013 at 7:20pm - love - by sucksatlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

#20802256
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37571) - you deserved it (4549)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:44am - work - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43836) - you deserved it (4912)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

#20770230
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31765) - you deserved it (3126)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by Not Mrs Soprano (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

#20751029
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38027) - you deserved it (3557)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by smh - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40490) - you deserved it (5616)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

#20721457
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59629) - you deserved it (8550)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:47pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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