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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39338) - you deserved it (3690)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21797) - you deserved it (41119)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38283) - you deserved it (3868)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

#21218616
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35727) - you deserved it (19436)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm - health - by ThunderThighs (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

#21203678
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43500) - you deserved it (3971)

On 07/09/2014 at 3:26am - health - by Sun_Kissed18 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

#21203004
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39952) - you deserved it (4872)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:55pm - animals - by Jack00412 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

#21182903
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59949) - you deserved it (4645)

On 06/21/2014 at 8:50am - health - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

#21173638
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43641) - you deserved it (5671)

On 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

#21132642
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36491) - you deserved it (42204)

On 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

#21124319
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44067) - you deserved it (7544)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

#21122879
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33853) - you deserved it (13257)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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