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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

#1064641
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79489) - you deserved it (4406)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Safe - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

#1056557
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89181) - you deserved it (4019)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by wellesleybanana (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

#983061
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16857) - you deserved it (82925)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by christinabear (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML

#969770
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57129) - you deserved it (13057)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by chriss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

#952639
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39782) - you deserved it (54613)

On 04/13/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by italy1986 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

#940649
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43806) - you deserved it (17615)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:49pm - health - by EpicFailAtItsFinest (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

#940357
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36832) - you deserved it (23190)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

#922153
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26285) - you deserved it (52904)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:50am - misc - by MYLIFESUX (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

#916470
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16407) - you deserved it (82162)

On 04/11/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

#914875
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39204) - you deserved it (13710)

On 04/11/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by awesome (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

#873760
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26182) - you deserved it (60758)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by nothing (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

#873540
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16215) - you deserved it (76408)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by UGH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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