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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

#3058885
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18948) - you deserved it (58016)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

#2925389
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81112) - you deserved it (5556)

On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

#2900740
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8183) - you deserved it (56208)

On 06/15/2009 at 12:13am - work - by damgoose (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

#2888954
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42300) - you deserved it (13030)

On 06/14/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by Rainman (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

#2871893
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44659) - you deserved it (6337)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by failatboys (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

#2860998
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8451) - you deserved it (47169)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by knoppad (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I logged into facebook for the first time in a month. I had only 3 new notifications, they were to tell me that the poker application I used on there "missed me" and wanted to give me 10,000 free chips. My poker app talks to me more than my friends. FML

#2856360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40202) - you deserved it (6059)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by Facebook (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

#2685783
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60913) - you deserved it (4192)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by loner (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

#2670105
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41163) - you deserved it (5962)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:46pm - kids - by biotch - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

#2655831
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60538) - you deserved it (6833)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - misc - by graduate - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

#2630668
468 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87545) - you deserved it (5642)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by dumped (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37172) - you deserved it (62553)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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