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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

#3143292
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25113) - you deserved it (68215)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said hey beautiful so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on friday night. I smiled and said "yes why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

#3093736
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52899) - you deserved it (14836)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

#3058885
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18441) - you deserved it (57150)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

#2925389
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81002) - you deserved it (5551)

On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

#2900740
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8161) - you deserved it (56146)

On 06/15/2009 at 12:13am - work - by damgoose (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

#2888954
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42231) - you deserved it (13019)

On 06/14/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by Rainman (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

#2871893
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44591) - you deserved it (6329)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by failatboys (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

#2860998
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8435) - you deserved it (47111)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by knoppad (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I logged into facebook for the first time in a month. I had only 3 new notifications, they were to tell me that the poker application I used on there "missed me" and wanted to give me 10,000 free chips. My poker app talks to me more than my friends. FML

#2856360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40171) - you deserved it (6054)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by Facebook (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

#2685783
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60840) - you deserved it (4188)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by loner (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

#2670105
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40823) - you deserved it (5922)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:46pm - kids - by biotch - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

#2655831
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60470) - you deserved it (6830)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - misc - by graduate - United States (New Jersey)



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