FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?". I said "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?". She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

by fyourlife / 10/21/2009 at 3:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2009 at 3:52am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

by Blanerd / 10/15/2009 at 8:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

by Oh_Well / 10/11/2009 at 10:53am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

by Irony / 10/08/2009 at 7:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

by screwed / 10/07/2009 at 3:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

by 3LLI0TT / 10/06/2009 at 6:23pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

by Poop / 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

by mushroommouth / 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

by mnavy / 09/28/2009 at 12:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML

by WhyMe / 09/25/2009 at 11:54pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

by Needasafe1234 / 09/25/2009 at 11:24am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

by bigdaddy / 09/25/2009 at 11:01am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids