FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 9:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

by ssjin93 / 11/23/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

by Sam / 11/22/2009 at 8:35pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

by HunniBeeHuni / 11/17/2009 at 12:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 4 years. Her response? First, she threw up all over me and then she started crying hysterically. I'll take that as a no. FML

by youmakemesick / 11/12/2009 at 12:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

by dEpPrEsSeDgIrL / 11/11/2009 at 6:28am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

by Failure / 11/09/2009 at 5:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can't even be a cashier. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

by Cakeman / 11/08/2009 at 10:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

by kernelkat / 11/06/2009 at 10:22am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

by James / 11/05/2009 at 11:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy