FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can't even be a cashier. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

by Cakeman / 11/08/2009 at 10:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

by kernelkat / 11/06/2009 at 10:22am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

by James / 11/05/2009 at 11:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

by effmylife / 10/23/2009 at 6:09am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?". I said "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?". She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

by fyourlife / 10/21/2009 at 3:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2009 at 3:52am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

by Blanerd / 10/15/2009 at 8:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

by Oh_Well / 10/11/2009 at 10:53am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

by Irony / 10/08/2009 at 7:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation