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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

#19699245
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24275) - you deserved it (1945)

On 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

#19642292
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30627) - you deserved it (3260)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

#19618681
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28726) - you deserved it (5323)

On 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

#19585555
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22172) - you deserved it (2809)

On 05/07/2012 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

#19528720
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19555) - you deserved it (2234)

On 04/25/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by horselover7766 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

#19509327
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32370) - you deserved it (2370)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:20am - love - by Gennifer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

#19486401
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23726) - you deserved it (1836)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:55pm - misc - by yuuupyup - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

#19457923
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9836) - you deserved it (33476)

On 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm - misc - by marymark - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

#19435373
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28643) - you deserved it (2164)

On 04/09/2012 at 8:23am - misc - by zazzleface - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

#19385390
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32961) - you deserved it (2431)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:01pm - love - by spanishsucks - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

#19325916
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16277) - you deserved it (9088)

On 03/22/2012 at 10:59am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

#19177249
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23504) - you deserved it (2615)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

#19121562
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29733) - you deserved it (5874)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:23am - intimacy - by Gabi - United States (New Jersey)



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