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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

#19486401
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22578) - you deserved it (1734)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:55pm - misc - by yuuupyup - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

#19457923
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9805) - you deserved it (33394)

On 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm - misc - by marymark - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

#19435373
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27353) - you deserved it (2066)

On 04/09/2012 at 8:23am - misc - by zazzleface - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

#19385390
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32876) - you deserved it (2427)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:01pm - love - by spanishsucks - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

#19325916
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16203) - you deserved it (9070)

On 03/22/2012 at 10:59am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

#19177249
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23434) - you deserved it (2611)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

#19121562
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29669) - you deserved it (5866)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:23am - intimacy - by Gabi - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

#19085409
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28168) - you deserved it (3087)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:50pm - health - by TerribleAddiction - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

#19011410
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27751) - you deserved it (1952)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:43pm - health - by Marc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

#19004076
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24529) - you deserved it (2291)

On 02/05/2012 at 8:13pm - animals - by rattrap (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

#18824245
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35191) - you deserved it (10882)

On 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm - animals - by moorox45 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

#18788903
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24620) - you deserved it (5579)

On 01/12/2012 at 8:20pm - misc - by xXMudkipNoobXx - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

#18659966
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22869) - you deserved it (6668)

On 12/31/2011 at 1:21am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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