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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

#21521480
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16941) - you deserved it (4106)

On 01/31/2016 at 2:32pm - animals - by GeeLoftus - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

#21512826
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19666) - you deserved it (2068)

On 01/08/2016 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

#21512319
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19892) - you deserved it (1817)

On 01/06/2016 at 10:38pm - animals - by cat lady - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

#21511782
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20412) - you deserved it (1423)

On 01/05/2016 at 1:49pm - love - by vanilla_blossom (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

#21507848
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22558) - you deserved it (2673)

On 12/25/2015 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

#21507374
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19464) - you deserved it (1457)

On 12/24/2015 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

#21506071
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21222) - you deserved it (2275)

On 12/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by f4444 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

#21503111
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19388) - you deserved it (5476)

On 12/12/2015 at 11:40pm - misc - by sudoku_fiend - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

#21495198
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22039) - you deserved it (2798)

On 11/21/2015 at 2:45pm - misc - by elena02 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

#21492877
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20890) - you deserved it (1768)

On 11/15/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by grapes - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

#21481211
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27617) - you deserved it (2054)

On 10/17/2015 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the 3 girls who have continuously bullied me for the past 3 years gave a class presentation on why bullying is so terrible. Judging from our teacher's comments, they're going to get top marks. FML

#21477334
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27588) - you deserved it (1603)

On 10/07/2015 at 9:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

#21475747
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26119) - you deserved it (2022)

On 10/03/2015 at 4:45pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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