FMLs submitted from Nevada

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 3:56am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, while housesitting my neighbor's dogs the phone rang. I answered it and a voice said, "Stop checking your Facebook and take care of my dogs. They look like they need to go out." FML

by Bobby / 08/10/2012 at 7:42am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML

by booo / 07/27/2012 at 1:46pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

by HomelessGirl1 / 05/21/2012 at 1:28am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2012 at 12:46am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, my dad came to pick me up. It would have been nicer if he'd had his clothes on. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

by anonymous / 02/07/2012 at 4:27am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

by anonymous / 01/27/2012 at 10:26am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 12:57pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

by VerbalDiarrhea / 01/08/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

by Kayla / 12/18/2011 at 12:25am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

by TheCrossingChick / 11/30/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Nevada) / Work