FMLs submitted from Nevada

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 1:55am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, after living in my new apartment for barely three weeks, I found mice living under my dish washer. When I brought it up to the managers, they said I'd have to pay for an exterminator myself since they weren't there when they cleaned. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

by fmltom / 12/15/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

by ohtheirony / 12/10/2015 at 2:49pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

by gas money / 11/21/2015 at 11:34pm / United States (Nevada) / Money

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 3:13pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML

by Denise1988 / 11/10/2015 at 12:35pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that spicy ground beef bits are the perfect size to become lodged in one's nasal cavity when vomited back up. FML

by steam_engenius / 10/04/2015 at 2:11pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 4:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

by ew / 09/15/2015 at 12:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

by NightHawk4926 / 09/09/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy