FMLs submitted from Nebraska

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 2:43pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, after months of her begging me, I let my girlfriend cut my hair for the first time. It turned out so badly that we are now "taking a break until it looks normal again." FML

by badhairday / 12/25/2010 at 8:38pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2010 at 6:24pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

by phonesage / 12/13/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

by rattness / 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

by momoffour / 12/05/2010 at 4:30am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

by secret / 11/02/2010 at 3:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 10:00pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

by Remember the parking brake / 10/06/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

by artmfanforever / 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

by fuzzy1895 / 09/11/2010 at 1:31am / United States (Nebraska) / Health