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FMLs submitted from Nebraska

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

#20616571
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51021) - you deserved it (7285)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by BestBF - United States (Nebraska)

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

#20560431
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (8730)

On 03/26/2013 at 12:15am - love - by ShouldBeSingleSoon (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

#20546016
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31536) - you deserved it (6901)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

#20495499
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39922) - you deserved it (3731)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:38am - love - by PokeWife (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

#20133698
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22110) - you deserved it (1746)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:38am - kids - by familyofpsychos - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was loudly bitched out by someone for speaking in a fake British accent, to make myself "sound sophisticated". I moved here two years ago from London. FML

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23677) - you deserved it (1788)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22452) - you deserved it (3718)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15865) - you deserved it (10101)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

#19779965
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23035) - you deserved it (2977)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:42am - money - by bad date - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML

#19399007
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21226) - you deserved it (6309)

On 04/03/2012 at 12:43am - intimacy - by DanteWest1000 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

#18738819
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19472) - you deserved it (2497)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:50pm - kids - by ProudMama (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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