FMLs submitted from Montana

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

by BOOP / 02/17/2012 at 8:25am / United States (Montana) / Transportation

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

by ;)loganberry(; / 12/27/2011 at 12:58pm / United States (Montana) / Intimacy

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

by Oja1 / 12/15/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lent my sister $1000 because she and her husband were in some debt. They used the money to go gambling in Vegas and won a major jackpot. They won't even give me a cut. FML

by cc / 10/10/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Montana) / Money

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

by MooCow / 07/12/2011 at 11:13pm / United States (Montana) / Animals

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

by justinj360 / 06/22/2011 at 12:59am / United States (Montana) / Health

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

by jm_track / 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

by NotAsToughAsHeThinks / 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm / United States (Montana) / Health

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 9:20pm / United States (Montana) / Intimacy

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2010 at 3:11pm / United States (Montana) / Animals

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

by workinggirl / 03/07/2010 at 12:38pm / United States (Montana) / Love