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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML

#18858383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27518) - you deserved it (8435)

On 01/20/2012 at 12:02am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML

#18524767
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30143) - you deserved it (6033)

On 12/16/2011 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

#18499950
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23260) - you deserved it (5047)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

#18404973
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42441) - you deserved it (9832)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by pops up - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

#18379052
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42936) - you deserved it (4495)

On 11/28/2011 at 8:33pm - love - by hot_shot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

#18355886
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16478) - you deserved it (28799)

On 11/26/2011 at 11:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

#18346982
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27717) - you deserved it (9931)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:08pm - misc - by ravlol - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

#18279897
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35632) - you deserved it (3983)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:30am - misc - by hannahk267 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

#18077732
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20793) - you deserved it (4690)

On 10/26/2011 at 12:31am - work - by rowanjusmc - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

#18013165
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18437) - you deserved it (37279)

On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

#17948133
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48766) - you deserved it (3578)

On 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm - love - by DyingPlants (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

#17874875
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40274) - you deserved it (7223)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm - love - by lostlove (man) - United States (Missouri)



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