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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we r training to make it less awkward 4 them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

#20043557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27456) - you deserved it (1517)

On 08/26/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by damnit. (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today wile watcing te Olympics ma fater found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an atlete jumps or bends over. Tis will be a very long few weeks. FML

#19995451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19741) - you deserved it (2026)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by joleezad5 - United States (Missouri)

Today , after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase cup size , I realized that I've basically reversed menopause.

#19975577
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5302) - you deserved it (29319)

On 07/22/2012 at 3:25pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince husband to start working out is by convincing him that we r training fir when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

#19862258
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21155) - you deserved it (3549)

On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

TODAY, I REALIZED JUST HOW MUCH OF A BITCH I AM WHEN I GROUNDED MY SON 4 NOT TELLING ME WHAT HE GOT ME 4 MY BRTHDAY. FML

#19861407
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6252) - you deserved it (80853)

On 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm - kids - by MeanMother - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis!! She convinced herself she's psychic an grounded me 4 something she "knows" I'm going to do!! FML

#19832041
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24653) - you deserved it (1614)

On 06/23/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Coffee Boy - United States (Missouri)

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they crcled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

#19653798
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22398) - you deserved it (1756)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was looking through mah Intarnat browsing history . Apparantly mah wifa had saarchad ( How to hava an affair without gatting caught ) . FML

#19484156
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37145) - you deserved it (2392)

On 04/17/2012 at 2:11pm - love - by Jason199615 - United States (Missouri)

my wife and I went to our friend's house to play some pool. While playing, a Cicada startd to fly toward mah face, so I flippd mah pool stick over and swattd at it with the fat end of the stick. I hit the bug. However, with the skinny side I hit myself in the snow-globes. FML

#19409453
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8437) - you deserved it (19176)

On 04/04/2012 at 10:50pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms an I decided to test a few on mah girlfriend!! Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling an said I looked lyk a giraffe trying to bob for apples!! FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23224) - you deserved it (5476)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today... I was out with my dog... who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground... so I picked it up. It turns out that I was holding his toy... but rather a dead bat. mega FML

Today, I got a hand cramp from popping zits on my face . FML

#19268637
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10326) - you deserved it (21664)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:03am - health - by pagvscgrac - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I endd up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to ( make a scene ). My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

#19211416
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20371) - you deserved it (5439)

On 03/03/2012 at 10:09pm - misc - by mexicandelicacy (man) - United States (Missouri)



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