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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

#152273
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43345) - you deserved it (12733)

On 02/27/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by wwasmer (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239899) - you deserved it (56620)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

#75881
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33004) - you deserved it (6552)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:36am - health - by fatass (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

#71498
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28561) - you deserved it (4745)

On 02/18/2009 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by happyasaclam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

#61582
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40036) - you deserved it (4876)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm - health - by tigerfiend (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

#48381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37344) - you deserved it (8113)

On 02/15/2009 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Missouri)

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

#43166
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31823) - you deserved it (4557)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by MLS (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

#30969
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37899) - you deserved it (1749)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by Johnny on the Spot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

#9051
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48409) - you deserved it (7000)

On 02/05/2009 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Barrel - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

#4601
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25844) - you deserved it (2717)

On 02/01/2009 at 9:41am - work - by sportskidguru - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

#2983
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26748) - you deserved it (925)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:13am - work - by Noname - United States (Missouri)

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

#2727
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22462) - you deserved it (2219)

On 01/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by glittercat - United States (Missouri)



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